Thursday, November 16, 2017

Smokestack - The Grand Bazaar of Ethra VanDalia

9 x 12 - Pencil on paper
© 2014 Christopher Burdett
Shaper's Parts and Preparation for Personal Assistants

    1 bear stomach
    1 dog heart
    3 whole rats
    1 lb. chicken feet
    .5 lb. goose beaks
    1 large biped’s bladder
    2 giant's thumbs
    1 large biped’s eye
    2 frog eyes
    3 chicken eyes
    1 cat eye
    1 turtle eye
    1 palm full of teeth
    5 full frog skins
    1 lb. assorted insect parts
    2 qt. goat blood
    1 qt. bull bile
    5 oz. large biped’s aqueous humor
    1 chicken lung
    3 pounds of veins, arteries, similar fleshy tubes
    4 oz. hog phlegm
    2 oz. sunflower peddles
    3 lb. copper 
    25 carpenter's nails
    1 oz. gold
    3 oz. crushed quartz
    1 lb. salt
    6 oz. sulfur
    4 oz. wood ash
    14 stone marbles
    3 oz. tears of the dying
    8 oz. glass 
    1 deer hide
    1 lb. mint leaves

Mix all non-organic components together in a large bowl. Let mixture sit overnight in the night air for three consecutive nights. Each night at midnight sprinkle 1 oz. of the tears of the dying over the bowl. Pour blood and bile into the bowl at first sunrise following the third night. Let sit and wait for five days. If at any time the mixture moves dose with boiling water.

On the second day of waiting, place eyes, aqueous humor, phlegm, and glass into the bladder and sew shut. Put this in a cool dark place for three days.

On the fourth day of waiting take remaining organic components and make a small pile in the center of the inside of the deer hide. Place a damp cloth over the pile and set it near a fireplace or similar heat source for one day.

Once the five days of waiting has ended scrap the contents of the large bowl onto the pile of organic components in the middle of the deer hide. The non-organic ingredients should now be a gelatinous mass that is easy to shape and mold. Work the mass over all of the organic components making sure everything is covered thoroughly. Dump the mint leaves over the mass making sure that as much of the surface is covered in the leaves. Take the bladder and place it on top of the mass. Sew up the deer hide as tightly as possible leaving little to no space around the mass. Make sure there are no leaks. If any leaking occurs in the deer hide use tar to seal the breach.

Place deer hide into a lower incubation chamber of an egg for three days or until the deer hide has lost all of its fur and has turned completely black. Once removed from the egg carefully cut the deer hide open. The new personal assistant will begin to move and emit smoke within a few moments of coming into contact with the air. If it fails to move, press firmly on its body until smoke is emitted.  

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