9 x 12 - Pencil on paper
© 2014 Christopher Burdett
Shaper's Parts and Preparation for Personal Assistants
Organics:1 bear stomach1 dog heart3 whole rats1 lb. chicken feet.5 lb. goose beaks1 human bladder2 giant's thumbs1 human eye2 frog eyes3 chicken eyes1 cat eye1 turtle eye1 palm full of teeth5 full frog skins1 lb. assorted insect parts2 qt. goat blood1 qt. bull bile5 oz. human aqueous humor1 chicken lung3 pounds of veins, arteries, similar fleshy tubes4 oz. hog phlegm2 oz. sunflower peddlesNon Organics:3 lb. copper25 carpenter's nails1 oz. gold
3 oz. crushed quartz1 lb. salt6 oz. sulfur4 oz. wood ash14 stone marblesSpecial:3 oz. tears of the dying8 oz. glass1 deer skin
1 lb. mint leavesMix all non organic components together in a large bowl. Let sit overnight in the night air for 3 consecutive nights. Each night at the stroke of midnight sprinkle 1 oz. of the tears of the dying over the bowl. Pour blood and bile into bowl at first sunrise following the third night. Let sit and wait for 5 days. If at any time the mixture moves dose with boiling water.
On the second day of waiting, place eyes, aqueous humor, phlegm, and glass into bladder and sew shut. Put this in cool dark place for 3 days.
On the fourth day of waiting take remaining organic components and make a small pile in the center of the inside of the deer skin. Place damp cloth over the pile and set it near a hearth or fireplace for 1 day.
Once the 5 days of waiting has ended scrap the contents of the large bowl onto the pile of organic components in the middle of the deer skin. The non organic components should now be a gelatinous mass that is easy to shape and mold. Work the mass over all of the organic components making sure everything is covered thoroughly. Dump the mint leaves over the mass making sure that as much of the surface is covered in the leaves. Take the bladder and place it on top of the mass. Sew up the deer skin as tightly as possible leaving litter to no space around the mass. Make sure there are no leaks. If leaking occurs use tar to seal the breach.
Place deer skin into a lower incubation chamber of an egg for 1 week or until the deer skin has lost all of its fur and has turned completely black. Once removed from the egg carefully cut the deer skin open. The new personal assistant will begin to move and emit smoke within a few moments of coming into contact with the air. If it fails to move, press firmly on its body until smoke is emitted.
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